Judy Thorburn's Movie Reviews
The Cave
- Details
- Category: Judy Thorburn
- Published on 23 November 2008
- Written by Judy Thorburn
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“THE CAVE” AN INEFFECTIVE SPELUNKER CLUNKER
We’ve all heard the warning “don’t go in the water”. Now that I’ve seen this new horror flick, let me add this one – “Don’t go in the cave”. Choose another flick to see on your way to the nearest Cineplex, because there is no redeeming value to this horror, or let me put it better, horrific movie.
Ever since Ridley Scott’s original “Alien” movie starring Sigourney Weaver came out in 1979, filmmakers have continually stolen the look of the creature, if not the entire movie premise. Well, you can count The Cave as another, in the line of numerous rip offs. Instead of outer space, the setting is deep below the surface of the earth, a cave in Romania, no less. And yes, all it takes is a nip, just like the legendary vampire of that region, and well, you know the rest.
It all begins thirty years ago when a group of treasure hunters dared to explore the cave beneath a 13th century church that was built to prevent evil from escaping. A massive cave in ended their mission, and so we assume they’ve met their death. Fast forward to present day. When an excavation beneath the ruins of the church reveals the entrance to the underground cave, biologist/scientist Dr. Nicolai (Romanian actor Marcel Iures) hires a team of top notch divers to explore the depths of what he believes could be an undiscovered ecosystem. Never mind the mosaic tiles which detail a story about winged demons inhabiting the depths. It’s for us to know, and unfortunately for the divers, to dismiss.
The gung ho crew is made up of typical clichéd characters, all of which are (no surprise) great looking and an ethnically diverse mix. Led by take charge Jack (Cole Hauser, along with his brother Tyler (Eddie Cibrian), his team includes black hunk Buchanan (Morris Chestnut), Kim, the Asian guy, (Lost’s Alex Kim), fearless femme, rock climber Charlie (Piper Perabo), Briggs (Rick Ravanello), and Strode (Kieran Darcy Smith). Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without Nicolai’s hottie English partner, Katherine (Lena Headey, of Brothers Grimm).
After a rock fall seals the underwater entrance to the abyss you know it’s just a matter of time before the crew finds out they are not alone. Amid the undiscovered flora and fauna lives a mutated parasite creature turned monstrous predator. With the team stuck one mile in and three miles beneath the surface, chance for rescue is nil since the best people to get them out is them.
There you have it. The rest of the movie revolves around the explorers searching for a way out as they swim through seemingly endless dark underground caverns, with a few of the guys occasionally engaging in a heated argument, which is par for the course, and the audience guessing who will be the next monster meal.
If not for Wes Stile’s striking underwater photography, The Cave is a waste of time. The film is unoriginal, predictable and filled with laughable dialogue (as in “respect the cave”, “he’s not human”) and wooden performances.
Anyone who knows anything about spelunking will immediately catch all the stupid mistakes no professional would ever do such as l) set off explosives on a mountainside unless you want an avalanche, 2) holler when descending a room in a cavern, or 3) jump blindly into a cavern’s rushing water.
Oh, yes The Cave is also laborious, uninteresting, and lacking any real suspense or thrills. Thankfully, it is a bloodless mess. Director, Bruce Hunt, always cuts away from the attacks so we never get to see the gory details. There are only quick flashes of the CGI monsters. And, the action scenes are filmed in such a shaky way, it is hard to make out what is happening.
I wasn’t even surprised at the supposed twist at the end, which leaves an obvious opening for a sequel. I just can’t wait – not!
If you insist on seeing this film, wait till it comes out on video, which should be in a flash, I am sure. Avoid this worthless theatre going experience. Why sink to the same depths as the Cave.
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